Question:
I know this is pathetic to admit and I know I have issues that I need to work out. however, if I don't talk to my boyfriend atleast once a day I feel like I am losing him.He is a bit far ... from me at the moment and he doesn't call me as often as I call him. So when I call him I feel pathetic.
When he doesn't call me I feel like he doesn't like me or is getting rid of me.
Anyone know the feeling? Advice?
Answer:
I'm going to tell you something you probably don't want to hear...I know the feeling, but for the sake of yourself and your relationship, you need to stop this. It is not normal nor is it healthy to cling to people and feel dependent on them like that. Being clingy is the fastest way to either destroy a relationship or get yourself manipulated.A lot of people, particularly women, think that its ok to feel this way about their significant others. But do you really think its ok for you to feel horrible just because you aren't talking every single day? Its ok to miss him, but to fear that you're losing him and that he doesn't like you, do you really think that's a healthy feeling to have in a relationship?
You aren't pathetic, you are just like most women in this day and age who think that if you are clingy or your boyfriend is clingy then its a sign of love. Its a sign of problems with your self esteem, not of love. And if you can't trust your boyfriend, then that in itself shows you that this is not ok.
I would suggest forcing yourself to just go without. Give him space and let him call you instead. It'll feel bad at first, but eventually you'll learn how to stand on your own and become independent of him. Hang out with your friends, get some hobbies, and treat yourself while you aren't talking to him. If the relationship is strong and stable, you should be able to go a day without talking to him without feeling uncertain or sad. Perhaps call every other day instead of every day and give him a chance to miss you too.
I'm speaking as a woman who has been down this route many times. The first relationship I had, I was really clingy because I had self esteem issues and I was so unsure of myself. My first boyfriend took advantage of it and he did whatever he wanted to me because he knew I wouldn't leave. I finally came to my senses, became independent, and got into a much more healthy relationship. We spent everyday together until recently when my boyfriend got a new job. At first I felt sad and lonely without him, but I pulled myself together and its nice to have this time apart now. As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
So yeah, its ok to miss him...just don't let it get out of hand where you become paranoid and depressed without him. That's not pathetic, but its not healthy or ok.
Category: Science