Question:
My older sister, who is in her thirties, is very competitive with everything and everyone in the family. She is more competitive toward me, but I have seen it with everyone else too!... /> For instance, my car was pretty much falling apart. When she heard that I was going to try to get a new car, she went the week before me to get one first. She then kept calling my mother when we finally went to the dealership to find out what type I was getting to make sure that it wasn't better or bigger than hers. She was very happy when I returned with a used smaller car (it was the only thing that I could afford.)
If she hears that I am going to the salon to prepare for a special event, she will go the day before me even if the event doesn't involve her (such as job events, etc.). If she can't get an appointment on the day before, she will go the day after me but get a "better" more expensive hairstyle. (For instance, if I go for chemical straightening, she will go to the salon for chemical straightening AND highlights, etc.)
If she can't do something before me or something better than me, she will not do it altogether or pretend that she's not interested. She was only a little competitive as a child (not enough to hurt anyone), but it has gotten out of hand!
For instance, she started college before me but did not do very well. When I finally finished high school and started college, we both decided to take the same classes and study together. However, when we were in the classes, she began to struggle and would not study with me and I began to get good grades. I begged her to study with me, but she wouldn't. She even tried to trick me by telling me that certain assignments weren't due so that I would lose points when I believed her and didn't turn them in. By the end of the semester, she was mad at me and wouldn't take any other classes with me. She even told people that I wasn't helping her to study and the teachers didn't like her.
The last straw is the issue of weight. I have always been the chubby one, but I am only thirty pounds overweight and I have a lot of muscle. My sister is only a little chubby - about 15 pounds overweight. She never watches what she eats and, gradually, she was becoming more and more overweight. I told her that I was going to go on a diet and she didn't care because she hates diets. Yet, she began to buy more and more candy to give to me, etc. Finally, when my weight loss became so obvious that everyone was noticing, she quickly started a crash diet just to make sure that her weight was under mine and then resumed with her lavish eating habits.
I have talked to her and even tried to get her to participate in things WITH me rather than trying to do them before me or better than me but she always refuses. I have even tried keep my mouth shut about my plans, etc. so that she wouldn't feel the need to compete but she retaliates by sneaking to read my mail or eavesdropping when I'm on the phone, etc. so that she will still be able to "compete".
None of these things really hurt me, they just annoy me. I've tried talking to her about it, but she says that she is not doing any of these things. I am not the only one who notices this behavior, so I know that it is not in my mind. Everyone in the family has approached me at different times to discuss her competitive behavior and they all ask me why she is doing this. I really don't know why she is doing these things.
How can I get her to stop the behavior, or at least understand the reasons behind it?
Answer:
Ok i was in sorta the same situation. My younger sister tried to do that to me. Well classic signs of jealously towards everyone and she feel that if she does these things she will get noticed and all the attention is gonna be on her. Center of attention is a need for alot of people. You are giving her exactly what she wants. Your family as well. Talking about her and talking to her is all of you falling for her acts. You will encounter alot of people like that in your lifetime.Category: Family