Question:
My best friend is awesome, couldn't ask for a better person to be my best friend, but his girlfriend is a troll. She's rude, unimaginative, doesn't get any jokes, gives everyone dirty
... looks because she thinks she's above everyone, spoiled rich kid. She says she doesn't eat meat because it's not healthy and looks down on other people who eat meat, but will eat a dozen doughnuts on her own. When they come to hang out she does this whole thing where she lays on top of him whining that she's tired and wants to leave... as soon as they arrive. She'll even come over and go number 2 in the bathroom and not turn the fan on or wash her hands and just leaves the door open... ewwww. She also starts fights with him over the dumbest things, in front of everyone, and belittles him. My friend is completely oblivious to the fact that his girlfriend is an evil yellow haired troll.
My friend is starting to question why I don't hang with him that much anymore. Should I just come out and tell him why? What do I do?Answer:
Bro..... He needs your help. You said he couldn't be a better person and that he's your best friend. Dude, really. Be a good friend. If he's your friend, you don't want to avoid hanging out with him. You just have to make a sacrifice for him, if that's what he wants. It sounds like she'll break up with him, anyways.
However, as a friend, you have to look out for him even if he won't for himself. First, you have to really do some more thinking about the situation. Are you sure you're not just seeing things from the wrong perspective? It doesn't sound like you are, and in this case you've got to say something, but you have to be absolutely sure that you're doing the right thing.
Once you've decided you need to say something, the first thing you have to do is let him know that you're on his side. He's obviously feeling a little unaccepted by you, and you've got to take some time to repair that bridge between the two of you before you can help him in any way. Timing is very important in life, and maybe him coming to the realization that this girl isn't right for him may take awhile. You want to maintain a fine line between diligence and not being rushed to see this thing through the right way. If he breaks up with her too early, he might not learn the lesson this whole thing is supposed to teach him, but if it takes too long it could leave a lastingly damaging impact on his psyche. You should ease him into a conversation about this over I'd say a week or more, but you know him best so that's a judgement call on your part. Then you could wait till she does something demonstrative of about what you are talking. H e'll be a lot more responsive, pending his mood. MOST IMPORTANTLY, take him out and show him a good time doing guy stuff without his girlfriend as much as you can this week. The more fun he has, the less his girlfriend will be on his mind. People who have fun become more confident, and it sounds like confidence is exactly what he needs to realize he's being mistreated. Also, just getting him away from her for awhile will be healthy for his mind. When a guy hangs around a girl a lot, his protective intincts come in. That's just simple biology. Men are protectors of their women, and if you don't use great tact, you'll simply become an assailant against the woman he loves, rather than a trusted member of his group. You have to be very sensitive towards him.
Most importantly, you have to have his best interests at heart, not yours. All the complaints you listed were not about how she treats him, but the way she acts towards you as well. It's clear that you care for your friend and want the best for him, but in order to help him you can't be thinking about yourself at all. If he senses any irritation on your part he may be very offended. You're not the one in a relationship with her, and only have to tolerate her company for short visits, so if you make mention of how she irritates you it'll come of lame and whiny. Help is a selfless act, and the best way to act selfless is to be selfless. Forget about yourself for awhile, and really focus on having the intention of what's in his best interest, and the right words will come to you.
